Thursday, 12 April 2007

Step Away From The Merchandise!

WASP played Liverpool last night, the first date of their 2007 world tour, according to Blackie Lawless.

It was a bit of a problem at the start of the night because LFC were playing in the Champions League at the same time as the gig, so basically something had to give. Me and our Ed went and met up with the troops in Ma Egerton's (a pub off London Road in Liverpool) and we sat there for the first half drinking and talking right up next to the big screen that they've got in that boozer when the footy's on. In fact, Patchie and Northy sat under the screen, facing the rest of the pub. Drinking bitter. Liverpool, in the end, didn't bother putting together a big effort to score more goals. Well, it was already 3 nil on aggregate after all, why run themselves ragged when they were already 3 goals to the good? So at the half time whistle it was clear that it was time to go and watch some heavy metal.

When we got into the Academy (where the gig was held), straight away we went to see the magnificent merch tables that had been set up. And indeed there was a lot of stuff there to look at, lots of different designs showing guitars and skulls and hey, even flames! Only thing was, most of the t-shirts were from the last time WASP did a tour, in fact Eddy was wearing one of the shirts that was on the wall and he'd bought it when we saw them in Manchester a few years ago. Then someone said "look at those *boss* caps!"... boss as in really shite. They were a proper state, a load of mad headwear with orange and red flames all over them that I am sure will go down well in Germany or something. Those kerrazy Krauts love their cheesy rawk merch (at least I like to believe they do). But still, I wanted to know the important thing about these caps, and that was whether they were Flexfit or not. So, me being me, I waded over to have a look at them all, pinned onto the wall. And I wasn't there for more than 5 seconds when the prick who was looking at the merch came running at me shouting in a yank accent. The exchange went something like this:

  • Merch Prick: Hey! Step away from the merchandise!
  • Me: Calm down lad, I just want to know if they're flexfit or not
  • Merch Prick: Step behind the barrier and I will come and show the caps
  • Me (walking away and tutting): Fuck off you beaut, they're all crap anyway. I'd rather spend my money on drinks. Keep your fucking hats.

  • Where's the need for the robocop "step away from the vehicle" attitude anyway? Like I was going to rob his shitty flame caps or something. It wasn't like I would have been hard to find I that was the case, I mean, I was walking *into* the concert and I would have been the only soft twat in there with those ugly hats on. Anyway, they weren't flexfit caps, they were those ones with the poppers across the back so you can change the size of the headband that way. So not only did they look bad but they were poorly made too. I imagine we'll see them on the merch counter at the next tour in 2009 cos no one's going to want to buy them.

    So, we piled on up to the concert hall to take a look at the wimps and posers. The gig was full of people's dads acting like loons and weirdos dressed in normal clothes. Weirdos, that is, when it comes to metal concerts - I suppose that anywhere else they would be the ones you would consider to be normal. Honest though, there was some gormless looking sod, right in the middle of the pit and just standing there for the entire WASP show. It was like he'd just wandered in by accident and decided to get up close to stage and have a look what this heavy metal thing is all about. He also had a friend with him who looked like a cross between King Buzzo and Shane Embury. Except he was dressed like a tramp. So really it probably was Shane Embury, haha!

    The actual gig was okay. Blackie was hidden for most of the night by a massive skull and cross bones microphone stand, which doubled up as a static pogo stick for a few songs too. Then about 3 songs into the set Blackie sort of climbed up onto the microphone thing, about 10 feet up from the stage, and then proceeded to wobble around for a few minutes and play a guitar solo at the same time. I don't know how to explain it any better; he climbed up onto the stand and wobbled about for a bit. Then he carefully dismounted it and carried on singing. The first time he did it I bet that everybody was expecting him to fall off it, he is a big fucker after all.

    They didn't play Animal, Scream Until You Like It or Forever Free though. Bah.

    Also Blackie Lawless didn't look very happy for a lot of the show, like he would rather have been somewhere else. Maybe that's his thing on stage for this tour, if it is he is confusing looking menacing and broody with just looking at the crowd and thinking "Damn, it's full of people's mams and dads. Where's the chicks sat up on people's shoulders with their titties out?". Actually, maybe he was pissed off because some idiot tried to rob a load of his cool flame hats off the merchandise tables.

    All in all, I enjoyed the Thumper gig on Easter Sunday more than the WASP gig last night. But then, WASP haven't played a gig in Liverpool since 1989.

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