Thursday, 4 September 2008

Metallica - Death Magnetic review.


I was in a cave the other day and I bumped into a hermit who had connections, and he called me over and gave me a copy of the new Metallica album "Death Magnetic",
"Take this home," he said "and give it a listen, then review it on your mighty blog.*

So I got it home and banged it on.
I'm a metalhead, not a musician, so here you go.
First song is That Was Just Your Life...let's see...heartbeat (very Sepultura)...what's this acoustic opening? Have I put Among the Living on instead? Oh no, it's definitely Metallica, that's Lar's snare but it's a little bit less tinny than last time.
Hey, this sounds like it's gonna be pretty thrashy...ha what the fuck? Is James in a different room or singing down a phone? let's skip forward a bit....oooh breakdown....christ how long is this track? Seven minutes? Fuck that off...next....

Did I skip to the next track? Hard to tell...ah End of the line hey! Groovy...oh no this is awful, "Chemical Affinity" what are you on about James...next...
Broken Beaten and Scarred...right....sounds like Anthrax again....now it sounds like...god knows...NEXT...

And then, in my haste to find a track that sounds slightly different to the others I've actually skipped a CD and the CD changer has put Motörizer, Motörhead's new release on instead!
Now this is more like it!!!
Opener Runaround Man has that whole fast 'Head vibe to it, 51 lines of lyrics in just over three minutes!  See James, this is how to do...whoah what was that line? "Gonna be free, run away to sea, Gonna be a pirate you'll never find me"? Yes Lemmy, that's exactly how I feel!
Next song is Teach You How To Sing The Blues...nice mid-paced number, mentions speed freaks and takes the piss out of people in retro shoes (it rhymes with blues, doncha know), leads nicely into When The Eagle Screams, which is apparently about war, with a nice bit of double-kick work from Mikkey Dee (he was amazing in King Diamond too! Check him out on Them), with some top notch bass from Lemmy pretty high up in the mix and a top solo as well!

Next, is my favourite song on the album...Rock Out.
Any song about being a metalhead that features the immortal line "Rock Out, Rock Out,with your cock out" is an instant classic in my eyes.
I can't remember being this stoked about a Motorhead album for years.
One Short Life is a nice, slow, bluesy, dirty number. It makes me think of strippers.  Rock N' Roll Gypsy Strippers. It's four minutes long, which is just the right length for a strip routine.

What am I doing writing a review for this album? Buy it, it's their best for years.
DO NOT buy Death Magnetic, unless you want to wear out the NEXT! button on your stereo.
 Think about it, which one of these people would you rather give your money to:
 
OR
 
I know where my money's going gang....Lars can always sell another painting.....

*this portion of the story may or may not have happened.

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